It was confusing and full of hummus
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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