I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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