There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
