I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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