out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
