Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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