I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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