shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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