I just cut my nipple shaving
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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