So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
