I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
