she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
