you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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