so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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