She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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