I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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