Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
