ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
