For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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