i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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