I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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