I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize