she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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