saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize