he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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