Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
