Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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