I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
