I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
