She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
