he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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