FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
