They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
