My nipple is on Facebook.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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