dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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