Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
