We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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