Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize