he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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