So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
