My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
