Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
