The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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