ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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