i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
