I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
