she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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