KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
