god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
