I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
