FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
