Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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