right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That accounts for only three of the penises
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
