i may or may not be watching the land before time
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
