You don't have asthma, your pregnant
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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