Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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