The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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