I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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