I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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