just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
