you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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