He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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