we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
love makes seman taste better
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That accounts for only three of the penises
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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