You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
