1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I need to stop coming to work sober
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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