Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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