thus making me awesome and them whores
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
