He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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