just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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