we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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