Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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