Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize