I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
