11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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