Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
