genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
