did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize