If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
