I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
