what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
