if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
