First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
