Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
