Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
