i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ketchup is God's man juice
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
