I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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