Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize