So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
