His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
